Tag Archives: rude

Toilet Seat Humour

My wife, Julie, had been after me for several weeks to varnish the wooden

seat on our toilet.  Finally I got around to doing it while Julie was out shopping. 

After finishing I left to take care of another matter before she returned.

 

She came home and prepared to take a shower.  Before getting in the shower

she got undressed and then sat on the toilet.  As she tried to stand up she

realized that the not-quite-dry epoxy paint had glued her to the toilet seat.

 

About that time I got home and realized her predicament.  We both pushed and

pulled without any success whatsoever.  Finally in desperation I undid the toilet

seat bolts.  Julie wrapped a sheet around herself and I drove her to the hospital

emergency room.

 

The ER Doctor got her into a position where he could study how to free her

(Try to get a mental picture of this.).  Julie tried to lighten the embarrassment of

it all by saying, “Well, Doctor, I’ll bet you’ve never seen anything like this before.”

 

The Doctor replied, “Actually I’ve seen lots of them… ……….

I just never saw one mounted and framed.”

Urology Surgery -NSFW (Probably)

My Surgery

When I first noticed that my penis was growing larger
And staying erect longer, I was delighted, as was my wife.
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But… After several weeks, my penis had grown fifty centimetres.
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I Became quite concerned. I was having problems dressing, and even walking, as it was starting to drag on the ground.
So the wife and I went to see a prominent urologist.

After an initial examination, the doctor explained to us that,
though rare, my condition (Donkey Doodle) could be fixed through corrective Surgery.
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“How long will he be on crutches?” my wife asked anxiously.

“Crutches? Why would he need crutches?” responded the surprised doctor.

“Well,” Said my wife coldly, “you’re gonna lengthen his legs, aren’t you?
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Right on Sister…PS don’t read if you are easily offended by Nun jokes

Two nuns sat at traffic lights in their car when a car load of rowdy
drunks pulled up alongside.

“Hey, get your tits out, you penguins!” shouted one of the drunks.

The Mother Superior turned to Sister Immaculata and said:- 

“I don’t think they know who we are – show them your cross”.

So Sister Immaculata downed her window and shouted:-

“F*** off you little turds, before I come over there and rip your 

f***** balls off!”

Sister Immaculata looked back at the Mother Superior and asked:-

“Was that cross enough?”