Tag Archives: Blonde

Entering Heaven

Yet another blonde joke sent to me by my blonde mother…….Or at least she’s blonde now….

A Blonde was sent on her way to Heaven. Upon arrival, a concerned St Peter met her at the Pearly Gates.

‘I’m sorry, ‘St Peter said; ‘But Heaven is suffering from an overload of goodly souls and we have been forced to put up an Entrance Exam for new arrivals to ease the burden of Heavenly Arrivals.’


‘That’s cool’ said the blonde, ‘What does the Entrance Exam consist of?’


‘Just three questions’ said St Peter.


‘Which are?’ asked the blonde.


‘The first,’ said St Peter, ‘is, which two days of the week start with the letter ‘T’


‘The second is ‘How many seconds are there in a year?’


‘The third is ‘What was the name of the swag-man in Waltzing Matilda?’ 


‘Now,’ said St Peter, ‘Go away and think about those questions and when I call upon you, I shall expect you to have those answers for me.

                         ***********************
So the blonde went away and gave those three questions some considerable thought (I expect you to do the same).


The following morning, St Peter called upon the blonde and asked if she had considered the questions, to which she replied, ‘I have.’


‘Well then,’ said St Peter, ‘Which two days of the week start with the letter T?’


The blonde said, ‘Today and Tomorrow.’


St Peter pondered this answer for some time, and decided that indeed the answer can be applied to the question. 


‘Well then, could I have your answer to the second of the three questions?’


St Peter went on, ‘how many seconds in a year?’


The Blonde replied, ‘Twelve!’

‘Only twelve?’ exclaimed St Peter, ‘How did you arrive at that figure?’ 

‘Easy,’ said the blonde, ‘there’s the second of January, the second of February, right through to the second of December, giving a total of twelve seconds.’


St Peter looked at the blonde and said, ‘I need some time to consider your answer before I can give you a decision.’


And he walked away shaking his head.


A short time later, St Peter returned to the Blonde.
 

‘I’ll allow the answer to stand, but you need to get the third and final question absolutely correct to be allowed into Heaven. 


Now, can you tell me the answer to the name of the swagman in Waltzing Matilda?’


The blonde replied; ‘Of the three questions, I found this the easiest to answer.’


‘Really!’ exclaimed St Peter, ‘And what is the answer?’


‘It’s Andy.’


‘Andy?”


‘Yes, Andy,’ said the blonde.


This totally floored St Peter, and he paced this way and that, deliberating the answer. 


Finally, he could not stand the suspense any longer, and turning to the blonde, asked ‘How in God’s name did you arrive at THAT answer?’


‘Easy’ said the blonde, ‘Andy sat, Andy watched, Andy waited til his billy boiled.’


And the blonde entered Heaven…


And what’s worse .. you’re now singing it yourself …..

At the Doctors – Warning Blonde Joke

A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor’s office and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it. “Impossible!” says the doctor.  “Show me.”

The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left shoulder and screamed, she pushed her elbow and screamed even more.  She pushed her knee and screamed;
likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed.

Everywhere she touched made her scream. The doctor said, “You’re not really a redhead, are you?”“Well, no,” she said, “I’m actually a blonde.”

“I thought so,” the doctor said, “Your finger is broken.”

The Grandmother of Blond Jokes

The Grandmother of all Blonde Jokes:
This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these
blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupidSo, she
decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart.
While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is going to
paint a couple of rooms in the house. The next day, right after her
Husband leaves for work, she gets down to the task at hand.
Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and smells the distinctive smell of
paint. He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the
floor in a pool of sweat. He notices that she is wearing a heavy
parka and a leather jacket at the same time. He goes over and asks
her if she if OK. She replies yes.He asks what she is doing and she
replies that she wanted to prove to him that not all blonde women are
dumb, and she wanted to do it by painting in the house.
He then asks her why she has a parka over her leather jacket.She
replies that she was reading the directions on the paint can and it
said…
(You’ll love this…)
(I know you will…)
.
. .
. .
“FOR BEST RESULTS, PUT ON TWO COATS.”