Category Archives: Uncategorized

Fruitcake at weddings

Harry and Meghan have said they don’t want the traditional fruitcake at their wedding.

Prince Philip has said they can F off, he’s going anyway….

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A 12″ Bic

An American goes into a bar and sits down next to an English guy.
The American notices that the English guy has a huge BIC Lighter.
The American says, “Wow cool lighter, where did you get it?”
The English guy says, “A genie granted me one wish when I rubbed this bottle”.

“Wow”, says the American, “Can I have a go?”

“Sure”, Says the Englishman.

The american rubs the bottle and the genie comes out, “You have one wish” Says the genie.

The American wishes for a million bucks, the genie grants the wish.

About 5 minutes later a load of ducks come into the bar, there are thousands of them.
The American says “I don’t believe this I wished for a million bucks, not a million ducks”.

The Englishman says “Well do you really think i wished for a 12 inch BIC?”.

Love in old age

A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy:

‘So I hear you’re getting married?’

‘Yep!’

‘Do I know her?’

‘Nope!’

‘This woman, is she good looking?’

‘Not really.’

‘Is she a good cook?’

‘Naw, she can’t cook too well.’

‘Does she have lots of money?’

‘Nope! Poor as a church mouse..’

‘Well, then, is she good in bed?’

‘I don’t know.’

‘Why in the world do you want to marry her then?’

‘Because she can still drive!’

Selective deafness

Had serious hearing problems for a number of years.. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%
The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, ‘Your hearing is perfect.. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again.’
The gentleman replied, ‘Oh, I haven’t told my family yet.
I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I’ve changed my will three times!’