Words of Widsom – Again

Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself,’Lillian, you should have remained a virgin..’
> – Lillian Carter (mother of Jimmy Carter)
> <><>
> I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalogue: – ‘No good in a bed, but fine against a wall.’
> – Eleanor Roosevelt
> Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister,
> and now wish to withdraw that statement..
> – Mark Twain
> <><>
> The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible
> – George Burns
> <><>
> Santa Claus has the right idea.
> Visit people only once a year.
> – Victor Borge
> <><>
> Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
> – Mark Twain
> <><>
> By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll become happy; if you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.
> – Socrates
> <><>
> I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
> – Groucho Marx
> <><>
> My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe.
> – Jimmy Durante
> <><>
> I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back.
> – Zsa Zsa Gabor
> <><>
> Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat.
> – Alex Levine
> <><>
> My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying.
> – Rodney Dangerfield
> <><>
> Money can’t buy you happiness …. But it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.
> – Spike Milligan
> <><>
> Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was SHUT UP .
> – Joe Namath
> <><>
> I don’t feel old. I don’t feel anything until noon. Then it’s time for my nap.
> – Bob Hope
> <><>
> I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it..
> – W. C. Fields
> <><>
> We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress.
> – Will Rogers
> <><>
> Don’t worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you.
> – Winston Churchill
> <><>
> Maybe it’s true that life begins at fifty .. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out..
> – Phyllis Diller
> <><>
> By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he’s too old to go anywhere.
> – Billy Crystal
> And the cardiologist’s diet: – If it tastes good spit it out.

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